Miscellaneous update

Some neat things happening around here. I am starting to see the Holy Spirit working in our son, and that is very, very exciting for me. He is starting to think outside of himself, and to think of ways to make other people happy. It has been a long uphill journey to get to this point, but I am so excited about it! I think a lot of it is due to Adam and I being on the same page now too...both committed to raising our children to know God and to seek His wisdom in their lives.

I wrote about cleaning and organizing my scrap room. A very neat thing happened. I was driving home one day when God make His wishes known to me. I guess you could say God spoke to me. I didn't hear his voice, but His plan was instantly very clear to me...He spoke to my heart.

I had acquired so many supplies in a desperate attempt to buy happiness (which, of course, doesn't work). Six months ago, my neighbor mentioned a woman who is a missionary on a Native American reservation in far northern Canada. My neighbor mentioned that this woman (Nancee) uses scrapbooking in her ministry and would probably welcome any donations. My thought at that time was that I couldn't afford to donate...I needed to sell these things to make back some of the money I'd spent.

But on that drive home recently, God instructed me to give my scrapbooking supplies to Nancee. At the time, I didn't know her name. I just knew that He wanted my supplies to go to the Native American missionary. So when I got home, I called our neighbor and asked her about the missionary. Her response? "Oh! You mean Nancee! You aren't going to believe this...She's actually here! She very rarely comes back, but she's here right now for the next few days!"

So I called Nancee, who said she'd come right over. When she came over and saw my scrap room, she got tears in her eyes. She told me that they had just completely run out of supplies and hadn't known what they were going to do. Donations had dried up b/c the economy is so bad. She'd been praying that God would help her to continue her ministry. And what happened? God answered her prayers and helped me to erase 5.5 years' worth of guilt in the process!!!

Another neat thing: Nancee took one box back to where she was staying, just to go through. When she came back the next day to pick up some more boxes, she told me the coolest story. She and her daughter had gone to Walmart a couple of months ago. You have to understand that the town nearest to the reservation is several hours away, so going to Walmart is a very, very big deal. She and her daughter had each picked out a treat: Nancee had selected an eyelet-setting tool, and her daughter had picked out a package of fancy eyelets. When they finished shopping, they realized that they just did not have the money for those items, so they put them back (missionaries, of course, survive on donations, and those are very tight right now). But when she opened that first box of scrapping supplies, guess what items were on the top? That's right - - the very eyelet setting tool and eyelets that they had not been able to afford!!!! How awesome is our God???!!!!!!

So, about 75-80% of my scrapping supplies headed north for the very best possible use...as an instrument in leading people to God. And I am so very grateful to God for allowing me to see His work in progress. So often, His work is behind the scenes, or I am too unobservant to notice. But He showed so much grace by allowing me to see His work, by "creating beauty from ashes," as Nancee said. What had weighed down my heart and soul with guilt became a possible source of life and light for others. I am so, so grateful to Him!!

But wrapping this back around to our son, he blew me away the other day. Adam and the kids came home on a Saturday afternoon with a surprise for me. They had bought me a huge pad of scrapbooking paper at Hobby Lobby. Why? Ryan cited something he'd learned at church. (sidenote: neither Adam nor I are certain of the exact citation, as we can't find exactly what DS said, but we think it's Luke 6:38.) As Ryan stated, "to those who give much, much will be given."

That really floored me. The son with whom I've been struggling to get him to think outside of himself, coming up with that idea, with the addition of biblical support to back up his thinking. I'm hard-pressed to think of a prouder moment in my life to date. :-)

So that's the news here. I've got to sign off, as the young Napolean sitting behind me insists on visiting the Noggin site, and she's been quite patient up to now. May God bless you and keep you.

Sarah

Rejection, true friendship/love, and a new start

Today I am cleaning out my scraproom. We are getting ready to put the house up for sale. Adam and I went back and forth as to whether we should move. When one of us decided yes, the other decided no. We looked at some houses, and Adam found one he loved. I think his need to escape the "scene of the crime" is greater than mine, but I have to admit that a new start is intriguing. Additionally, we will move into the school district our son is attending, so we won't have to worry about losing his spot. (It is amazing, and somewhat disheartening, for me to think about just how many changes we have made as a result of Adam's affair. For one, I will never, ever, ever own or drive a silver Toyota Camry, and I have a primal kneejerk reaction of violence when I see one on the road.)

Anyway, I am blogging because I was thinking while I was cleaning. (surprising, I know). I was thinking about Adam. Obviously, his affair had a huge impact on me, and I do sometimes fear that my heart will never be whole again (I don't really see how it could be). But today I was thinking about the impact on him. More particularly, I was thinking what this affair revealed about other people around us. Some of the revelations were comforting. Others...not so much.

With one revolting exception, every friend or acquaintance we had who is a Christian has welcomed Adam with open arms. God has taken the one very bad friendship Adam had away by virtue of the affair, but has filled Adam's life with loving, true Christian men who hold Adam accountable and guide and support him through his new walk with Christ. As to the exception, I hold a greater grudge than Adam. I will forgive the friend, of course...I have to. But I find it hard to believe that a true follower of Christ would make Adam's mistake all about himself (the friend) and drop Adam like he was the Anti-Christ.

So that is the good news. Our lives are filling with Christian friends who love and accept Adam and I as faulty but loving followers of Christ.

The bad news is those who couldn't distance themselves quickly enough. There is one couple whom Adam and I love dearly who have continued to be supportive and caring. I have also learned a great deal from my parents. I think we both have. Honestly, had this happened to a daughter of mine, I don't think I could have forgiven the husband and continued to welcome him with open arms, volunteering to do whatever I could to help them put things back together again. But they have, and I continue to be amazed by their response. I think a lot of that is God's work, but much of the credit goes to my parents, who have opened their hearts to accepting Adam as a man trying to change with God's help.

It just makes me sad that other people just could not run away from Adam fast enough. They couldn't establish great enough a distance from him, as though his mistakes were contageous or reflective. How must that feel? How must it feel to know that some people will run when you really screw up? Perhaps in order to preserve their self-view as infalliable and unrelated to the black sheep's behavior.

I feel badly for Adam in that context. He says it doesn't bother him, but I can't understand how it wouldn't. Personally, I would feel abandoned, as though I was somehow unworthy of unconditional love or friendship. But I hope he is being truthful with me...I hope it doesn't bother him. I hope that God has healed that part of his heart, and that the flow of support and love from our church, our good true friends, and others who have remained steadfast in their love and support for Adam has taken away the sting of discovering who would not support him in the aftermath of his mistakes.