Rejection, true friendship/love, and a new start

Today I am cleaning out my scraproom. We are getting ready to put the house up for sale. Adam and I went back and forth as to whether we should move. When one of us decided yes, the other decided no. We looked at some houses, and Adam found one he loved. I think his need to escape the "scene of the crime" is greater than mine, but I have to admit that a new start is intriguing. Additionally, we will move into the school district our son is attending, so we won't have to worry about losing his spot. (It is amazing, and somewhat disheartening, for me to think about just how many changes we have made as a result of Adam's affair. For one, I will never, ever, ever own or drive a silver Toyota Camry, and I have a primal kneejerk reaction of violence when I see one on the road.)

Anyway, I am blogging because I was thinking while I was cleaning. (surprising, I know). I was thinking about Adam. Obviously, his affair had a huge impact on me, and I do sometimes fear that my heart will never be whole again (I don't really see how it could be). But today I was thinking about the impact on him. More particularly, I was thinking what this affair revealed about other people around us. Some of the revelations were comforting. Others...not so much.

With one revolting exception, every friend or acquaintance we had who is a Christian has welcomed Adam with open arms. God has taken the one very bad friendship Adam had away by virtue of the affair, but has filled Adam's life with loving, true Christian men who hold Adam accountable and guide and support him through his new walk with Christ. As to the exception, I hold a greater grudge than Adam. I will forgive the friend, of course...I have to. But I find it hard to believe that a true follower of Christ would make Adam's mistake all about himself (the friend) and drop Adam like he was the Anti-Christ.

So that is the good news. Our lives are filling with Christian friends who love and accept Adam and I as faulty but loving followers of Christ.

The bad news is those who couldn't distance themselves quickly enough. There is one couple whom Adam and I love dearly who have continued to be supportive and caring. I have also learned a great deal from my parents. I think we both have. Honestly, had this happened to a daughter of mine, I don't think I could have forgiven the husband and continued to welcome him with open arms, volunteering to do whatever I could to help them put things back together again. But they have, and I continue to be amazed by their response. I think a lot of that is God's work, but much of the credit goes to my parents, who have opened their hearts to accepting Adam as a man trying to change with God's help.

It just makes me sad that other people just could not run away from Adam fast enough. They couldn't establish great enough a distance from him, as though his mistakes were contageous or reflective. How must that feel? How must it feel to know that some people will run when you really screw up? Perhaps in order to preserve their self-view as infalliable and unrelated to the black sheep's behavior.

I feel badly for Adam in that context. He says it doesn't bother him, but I can't understand how it wouldn't. Personally, I would feel abandoned, as though I was somehow unworthy of unconditional love or friendship. But I hope he is being truthful with me...I hope it doesn't bother him. I hope that God has healed that part of his heart, and that the flow of support and love from our church, our good true friends, and others who have remained steadfast in their love and support for Adam has taken away the sting of discovering who would not support him in the aftermath of his mistakes.