That's gonna leave a mark...

Yep...I'm quoting Tommy Boy now...things are that bad. I was thinking about a conversation my husband and I had about the affair, and that phrase from Tommy Boy kept coming to mind. For those of you who haven't seen the movie, it stars David Spade and the now-deceased Chris Farley. Farley cashed in on his large size, his ability to play the clumsy but charming oaf. In Tommy Boy, he is a son who longs desperately to fill the large shoes left behind by his father. He takes over his father's business and, against all odds, succeeds despite his oafish qualities. Throughout the movie, he is banged by doors, hit by moving objects, and pummeled by various items. Each time, he responds with, "Son of a!!! That's gonna leave a mark!"

That's what I'm feeling about this affair. Hearing from my husband that he had the affair because he was miserable in our marriage. That he was insecure, and she made him "feel good" about himself. Ouch...that's gonna leave a mark.

An irony, if you can call it that, in this situation is that the other couple's marriage was on life support even before they moved across the state to our neighborhood. The husband had cheated on the wife, an emotional affair, some three years ago. At one point, he regaled her with a list of reasons why this mistress was so much better for him than his wife. He moved out, only to move back in 4 days later. Yep...that had to leave a mark. This wife, my "friend," would tell anyone who stood still that the day her husband told her that and moved out was the day "he killed [her]."

I have to questions why a woman who had been broken by infidelity by her husband would go on to inflict that same sort of pain on another woman, especially a friend. The background of this situation is this: This woman was my friend. We went out for coffee several times a week. We did our grocery shopping together. I listened to her complain about her apparently unbalanced husband who allegedly had her followed, checked her phone records, etc. When she first started talking about divorce, I had a four hour dinner with her to listen to her talk through things, to give her a neutral perspective. (Her affair with my husband had already begun at this point, and had existed for about 3 months.) So I have to question how she was capable of having an affair with my husband when she knew, first hand, the pain caused by a spouse's infidelity. It's too easy to say she just doesn't have a heart. She claims to have a soul, and she claims to be "on a journey led by God." (Don't get me started on that one...last I knew, God does NOT make us sin. So her claim that the past 10 months have been a God-led journey for her, through my husband nonetheless, really leave me absolutely enraged and gasping for air.)

So, yes...the past month and a half have really left a mark. And there are times that I just don't know that the marriage can or will survive this much pain. So he was miserable in our marriage? How about without it then? Because I guarantee you that whatever "misery" he experienced in our marriage is a petty scratch compared to the pain he has inflicted upon me. And I don't know that a mark that big is ever going to be erased.